While awake...

I absolutely adored Return to Eden way back when... Tara Welles was my idol.

Then I see photos of my cousins as children. A and T on a sleigh ready to slide down the snowy hill, all tucked in with layers of warm clothes. And then I see a photo of myself as a child. I have the same neutral and pensive look that I have on so many photos from that time. All photos are taken in twilight, and I remember the wetness of the snow. Then I see one picture of T as perhaps a 12 year old. And then myself, on a bike, the picture is moving, and I am biking along the countryside road. I am skinny and taller than I remember, always wearing my favorite jeans and a worn jacket. I hold a bottle of milk and am drinking it as I bike without holding my hands on the handlebar. Now I approach A's house near the downhill, still not holding the handlebars. Then something strange happens in the moving picture; for a moment the twilight scenery of green Nordic landscape trades places with a Californian city landscape at night, and I am biking downhill with the spectacular view of the Valley! Then it transfers back to the original landscape.

It is time for me to step up. I am going to be blessed for some reason. I have been chosen. J, a person I knew to be of faith comes up to me and tells me that someone else with more experience and wisdom is going to read the blessing. I step to the side of the altar, and remove my long jacket, and then move toward the center of the altar to wait. The priest approaches and moves his hand to make a cross. I bend down, and decide to kneel down. Noone has told me what to do so I am improvising. I really am not sure why I am here. He asks me for my hands and as I hold them out he takes out a small flagon with a dropper and drops holy oil on my wrists and makes patterns with the oil. Then he tells me to take the cotton ball he holds out, because as he puts it; 'This may cause quite a lot of bleeding unless you apply pressure on it directly afterward.' I realize he is going to sting me on my right wrist with the dropper, about 3 inches from the hand directly into a vein, and that it will probably bleed a lot if I don't follow his orders. Why? What is this for? The sting is quick and I press the cotton ball onto the wound and raise my arm up in the air so I don't bleed too much. I see a small spot of blod beginning to bleed through the cotton - but then it stops. I am relieved that it isn't worse. Silent people have been watching. I still don't understand my purpose here.

While awake...

Avoiding all carbs.
Tired and dreaming too much.
Also too much work.

Buy me something from Amazon .

While awake...

Nightmares have turned to life while awake... now I can't wait to sleep.

I really really wanted to be a DNA.

You are DNA. You're a smart person, and you appear
incredibly complex to people who don't know
you. You're incomparably full of information,
and most of it is useless.


Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

While (barely) awake...

After some sushi tonight I checked out Bell's Theorem .
Apple and cranberry tea should keep the nightmares away...

A and I are driving in a city. We're on our way home, it is late, and we end up driving too far up a street so that we're now in a strange part of town. I notice that a fire truck is racing up a parallel street to us, and I wonder where it's going. We continue up the street because it will eventually lead us to another street that we can take home. Now we drive past a large but old industry hall with several floor levels. That's what's burning. As we drive past the block long building I can see fire inside. It is on the top floor. We end up driving around the corner and A parks the car. We walk across a patch of dry grass toward the building. A fairly large group of people are standing outside, watching the firemen gaining control of the fire. It doesn't seem to be a large fire. That's when I see them - the dead people. They are spread all over the lawn outside the burning building. There are so many of them, and they are so badly injured. I see a dead man with his head deformed from what must be a hard blow to his head - now it is all overproportionally swollen on one side. Another person, no identifiable gender, has a large cut in the stomach. These don't even seem like burnvictims to me. More like casualties of a very primitive war. I am standing in the middle of this field of dead people. It is getting darker. I feel nausea coming. I see them so clearly, and the unnatural sight is a great shock.

I am now standing outside when I notice lowflying airplanes and helicopters of all kinds. I tell someone I think it is the airforce practicing. They really sweep low at times, and it is very impressive.
Now I am in a city with A. It is New York, and we're going to get a chance to see NY from a helicopter.
A is flying the helicopter - I am afraid of losing my purse when we fly upside down because I have attached it to a dashboard, and when the helicopter is upside down the purse nearly drops off. I am a little nervous but I don't feel nausea as I would when riding a rollercoaster. I am also impressed by A's piloting skills! New York looks very nice from the air.

AG visits my new workplace. Asks SD how much she earns per year. SD sayd half a million. I ask SD if she still is a vice principal. She says no.

A sneaks into a circus show. I don't dare to, but I see several other people sneaking in with him. He sits down in a really good seat. Everything happened so fast I couldn't follow him. Instead I peek around the corner to see the doorman further away with his back toward me. Technically I could still sneak in, but he might turn around just as I try to walk over to that gap in the circus tent canvas... So I stay where I am. I see a women prancing around in the sand -- I have seen this show before.

I am in the bathroom. I think I have eaten something poisonous (?) or have fallen sick all of a sudden, because I fall to the floor and lose capability to walk. I try to call for help. I yell for A. My voice has no bearing. I can hear a slight wheeze, and that's all. I wheeze A, A, help me! Help me! I use my arms to pull myself toward the bedroom. I can hear A snore. He can't hear me. I am very afraid. I am panicking. I want my voice to come back. I don't want to give up. I think I begin to realize I am having dream paralysis... Waking up is also scary, because I already thought I was awake...

While awake...

What cheap wines at Trader Joe's should I buy next?

While awake...

Dear Santa Claus,

Wanted:
1 iBook , please.

From a very nice girl.

---
P.S.
NerdNosh was suggested to me by the Somnolent Sourcebook . Go and read to your elves.

(A 14 hour sleep)

Something inspired by Calvin & Hobbes.
Many faces from the past.

(Why can't I remember more?)

Every place is new. I haven't seen any of this before. E is here and we do something together. I haven't seen her in several years. She is still the same person, always ready for the next adventure.
But most of all I am almost impressed that I haven't seen this scenery before!

While awake...

A Somnolent Sourcebook is available for your reading pleasure.

Science can be fun !

An Icelandic blog .

While awake...

One day not too long ago I saw Esa-Pekka Salonen at an Indian restaurant on Wilshire. I walked up to him and said hello in his language. He was surprised to hear Finnish and so we exchanged a few thoughts in this strange and staccato-sounding language from the north.

I'd love to visit Reykjavik .

While awake...

If you can read this, and understand it, tell me what you think. Snow angels, anyone?

Thanks to A I have now seen the worst album covers ever, and some of them will not leave my memory anytime soon.

While awake...

Every once in a while I must let you know about the best game in the world:
tranquility - and you better try it!

The Beast continues to write magnificent pieces for you to read and ponder.

I am left wondering how to get out of this mess...

While awake...

Listen to KXLU 88.9 FM from Los Angeles. I listen to it every day when driving to and from work.

Didn't I dream you dreamed about me?
Now my foolish boat is drifting.
Here I am, waiting to hold you.

While awake...

Lucas Bergstrom's Inevitable Backlash has a wealth of interesting links. Give him the readership he desires.

We came back to the house that we'd stayed at during an overnight fieldtrip. I knew it had rained the night before but I still saw large backpacks lined up along the road leading up to the house. It was a large group getting ready for a long hiking trip. As we walked into the house I saw my favorite room - but I knew I couldn't stay here even if I wanted to. I see young people walking about, getting ready for the day's program.

I look at myself in the mirror and notice that my face is covered with red spots. Uneven speckles of various sizes are completely covering my skin and I look at myself with fear and worry. What is this? Allergy? Disease? I hope it vanishes soon!