While awake...

THE best game:
tranquility
Now off you go and float!

It is night and I am walking together with a police officer and a person who has invented a mineral and compound detector which can identify any traces of matter or unidentified spots that the police officer wants identify. We walk around on a yard and someone must be holding a flashlight because around us it's dark but we have a vague lightsource illuminating the spots we see. The technician walks around and calls out all the spots he detects. Throw ups, blood, detergent, sulphur... and the police officer immediately says when he arrested that person and that they indeed threw up, or bled, or so on. Some of the spots are found by the police officer and then he calls out what they are and the technician confirms it. Both of them marvel at the usefulness of this tool.

I am now in a hospital hallway walking toward a room at the end of the hallway. It is a teaching hospital because I enter the staff lounge and see a bookshelf with textbooks near the door. I am not too impressed with the variety or quality of the books. People enter and exit. They seem exited about something. There is going to be a presentation of some kind. Someone talks about an autopsy that he had photos from but he says he never saw the autopsy itself. I continue to walk toward the door that leads to the presentation rooom. The doot is guarded and even has some signs attached to it to further repel interested but inelligeble visitors. I enter without problems and find myself in a hall with rows of chairs. The audience consists mostly of middle aged professors of both sexes. I instantly notice that there seem to be a division between men and women, so that the women are for the most part sitting on the left side seen from the stage, and the men are sitting to the right. I decide to break the pattern and find a seat with the men. Then I notice that large parts of the rows are taped off for 'Bonus visitors'. I wonder if I am a Bonus visitor but highly doubt it. I find a seat and watch more people enter. The presentation is about to begin.

Now I am inside a plane. This plane is a private plane owned by the government but today some civilians have been able to use it as well. It is a very rare thing to be able to even see the insides of this plane unless you are a military employee. We are flying to Europe. This plane is much faster than a regular plane and when I ask about the estimated flight time from a nearby passenger she says the flight is about two hours shorter. For some reason I had expected an even shorter flight. She or someone else also tells me to prepare for the takeoff because it is much more intense than a regular flight. I attach the seatbelt, and moments later the plane takes off. It accelerates with enormous speed and lifts off within seconds after which it begins to escalate at a steeper and steeper angle until we literally are lying on our backs in the seats. I am now worried my seatbelt won't hold me in position and grab hold of the armrests to keep myself in place. We are pressed into our seats by the acceleration but it is not getting any easier to stay put. I begin to feel around my back with one hand and find something that could be an additional seatbelt to secure over the shoulders, like a fourpoint seatbelt. I manage to add those parts to hold me in place and I look around to see what others have done. I see some without seatbelts and some who have casually kept one part of the belt around the neck. I now slowly realize that what I thought was the shoulder addition to the seatbelt in fact are the suspending parts of a backpack! Well, I don't have to worry anymore because the plane has now reached the desired altitude and I am no longer falling out of my seat. But I do wonder about the seatbelts for a long time.

We look to see what luxury items we have in a seat pockets and find a variety of high quality silk nightware. Very nice, but the seats are too close together to be able to stretch out and actually sleep. So we sit and wait, and hope the hours indeed will be short.

While awake...

"... we'll have a house on the shore that showers my soul..."
Mark Kozelek

The Santa Ana winds blew last night...
Raymond Chandler

A ski resort.
Broadway Deli.
Falling asleep at the bar next to a man who is also falling asleep.
I am here alone.
Snobs surround me.
I find a pair of blue shorts and try them on -- too small.

While awake...

Create a dream state.

While awake...

A dream dictionary.
A dream bank.
A dream research.
A dream skeptic.
A dream resource.
A dream discussion.

A wonderful dream:
Saturday, October 06, 2001

While awake...

Locate yourself via Nätkreatur
or
Listen via E. Wilder

Outside a planetarium I wait together with a group of people. We are being instructed in something scientific. I think I am taking a test. As I am taking this test I am in my conscious state questioning some things that occur in this reality.

Now I am being led into the planetarium by one of the instructors and the door closes behind us. The test is apparently going to continue here. It is completely dark, and then - the middle of the large room begins to materialize something threedimensional. It is almost like a holographic movie. I know it cannot be real because of the distorted proportions. The instructor is telling me about what I see. We are looking at a movie of the first life on Earth. According to this theory the first lifeform on Earth was in the shape of a spore, and I see it as an irregular round shape, that attached to the lifeless eroded rocky surface of Earth. As I watch this happen before me, the instructor points out details by pointing his index finger toward the holographic images. He can interact with the image by pointing towards details in the image, and asks me where I want the spore to land. 'Let's put it here,' he says. The spore settles into the dead foundation. Then we see an enlargement of the spore and the inside of it. I see small organelles. The instructor and I stand very close. This is a wonderful moment to witness, and it seems to reinforce our physical connection as well. I become very aware of him, and in this unreal space where darkness only reveals that first lifeform on Earth in a slow repetitive motion, we embrace passionately -- because we are human!

I am walking with a cane. Am a little fearful people won't believe I really need one to move along, since I have never used one before. A is walking beside me and I point it out to him. He doesn't seem to worry as much as I do. I walk without problems, don't feel any pain, but the cane is still in my hand.

While awake...

Goldenboy has melted the nuggets.

I am standing at the foot of this unbelievably steep mountain. It is a volcano and I will perish if I stand here when it erupts. I look up the rocky mountainside and it looks like a wall. In fact, for a second it morphs together with grandma's housewall along the side where the small appletree would stand.

Now it has erupted. Lava is spewing out of it in a firework-pattern that freezes onto the sky. Lightrays and burning rays are etched to the sky and in the air all around me. I hold a small book above my head and face to protect myself from the hot missiles falling from the sky. It is daytime and I am alone, walking toward a house where I will meet someone I have never met in person before. Around me the world is falling apart, literally, but at the house everything seems normal. I see two doors and knock on the one closer to me. All the girls have congregated in that room and they welcome me in. A and all the guys are in the other room. The person whom I was supposed to meet never show up. It appears to be a kind of gaming party and the house looks more like a trailer than a permanent house. I enter the small room that is connected to the other one, but I don't feel at home.

Later I again find myself walking along that road. The volcano is there, and the yellow and dirty air around is tangible. Heavy minerals are loaded in the atmosphere. I am still walking and I did not get hurt.

To Moffa who visited me in a dream last night...

Grandpa and I are standing at the cashregister in a bookstore. We are looking at Christmas cards. We don't purchase any and decide to walk out. Grandpa is old, and he is walking very slowly and with great difficulty. In fact, when we reach the few steps that lead down to the street level I grab his arm to help him. He seems thankful and his face is twisted in a painful grimace. I don't think he can manage this. In this moment I see and feel how old he is. The age has finally met him and he has now run out of time. I bend down to hold his knee, his right knee, so he can carefully place his foot on the next step. I look at him. My Grandpa. His legs are so skinny and fragile. The pant legs are covering two sticks, and then his large jacket over the bent back. His legs are now so weak that they cannot support themselves and he melts down on the sidewalk, exhausted and in pain. The eyelids are barely open. I am sitting on the step next to Grandpa and I look out toward the world for help. He is fading away, drifting off because it is time to go...

While awake...

My forest .
A kingdom .
I am a minstrel.
What are you?

I am traveling somewhere and it's winter. I am onboard a large cruise ship and we arrive at a harbour. The pier is frozen and covered in snow. It is difficult to walk on the narrow and very high pathway. Someone has met me and she is cautioning me when she sees me look over to one side which has no railing. Down below is icy cold water and slush. The pier continues for at least half a mile before we enter a great hall. A waiting hall. I see old classmates from years ago, and we greet each other and talk about some trivial things. I see A.N. and D.N. (who is scraping the soles of the feet with a sharp wire so that dead skincells cover the floor!). A.N. and I talk for a while before I move on. This hall is very modern looking - almost futuristic - and people are sitting here and there in the great expanse. Noone really seem to be in a hurry. But I think I am going to move on.

While awake...

Happy Birthday dear Tollers !