While awake...

A fairy tale.

In a throng of people I see D. We greet each other with a warm hug while we inspect the aged apperance of the other one. How come I have not seen you in a such a long time? I say I do return here every once in a while - it is after all my hometown. D says he has stayed here all winter. We are surrounded by people and are shuffled along in opposite directions.

Now I am walking along the village road. It is a winter night and I am wearing flipflops. I am running. I think to myself that I must be getting cold, but cannot feel anything. I walk along the river and everything is quiet and calm. Now I pass the small coffeehouse and see that the lights are on inside. I think that there must be some new regulations that force the owner to keep the lights on all night. They didn't have to do that before. I continue and am now walking along another road, a dirtroad near my grandmother's house. It is now snowing and I am very far from the place I am trying to get to. In fact, I have a feeling there is not much of a chance for me to get there. I might as well turn around. A car approaches and the parents of a friend offer to drive me home. The road up the hill to my house is icy and we have to try several different ways before we can get up. I have a a feeling of resignation. I guess I have to go home then...

I understand French.
I see my family.
I slide down a snowy, soft hill.
I am a model.
I am driving on a grassy road in the Netherlands.
I am downhill skiing.
I stand in a beautiful home.

While awake...

Coolness!
Which continent would you like to get stuck on?

I am in a forest. It is winter, and I can see several people I have known in the past. One of them is fetching her water bottle. I am also thirsty and pick up my oversized clear plastic cup, and drink whatever is left in the mug. While I am drinking my friend A.G. approaches, and she is quietly laughing at my funny appearance what with the cup still in my mouth held in position by my teeth. I am trying to drink from it while walking and doing something else with my hands! In a little while we are standing with a group of people expecting something to happen, perhaps a children's game where the youngest children are supposed to walk around in a circle. None of us are taking initiative. In fact, none of us seem to be that interested in it. I am pretending to help out by weakly drawing an oval shape on the ground with my foot. Nothing happens.

Now I am standing up on a road, a bridge, or some other elevated passageway, together with A.G. The snow is piled high against the railings of the road, and I cannot see what is beneath and beyond. I walk up to the railing and begin to realize the immense depth and height we are at right now! I push part of the snow with my hand so that a block about half a yard squared falls into the abyss, and then I see it. An opening has now been created in the snowy wall and this vision spreads out before me. Far below, as if seen from a plane flying low over mountains, are jagged peaks, mesas, and irregular and arid mountains and valleys! We are at an incredible altitude! I do not fear this height but am astonished to be here. I tell A.G.: 'I think it's first now that I realize where I have come, after all this hardship'. A.G. says: 'Yes, sometimes this is what it takes, to make you see it for yourself, but it has always been there.' How the hell did I get this high?!

While awake...

Christmas:
St. Lucia
Traditions
Dinner

... and whilst food is on the menue...

Poor Knights (a much better name than its American name)
... and this!

While awake...

Kleenex Girl Wonder

I am standing in front of a mirror. I am getting ready to go to the hospital. I have to cut my shoulders before I go. I am holding a stick with crushed glass attached to the end of it - but I am hesitating to press it against my shoulders. It will hurt. I might have done it before because I know I have to do it - no way around it. I call for A and ask him to do it. He says ok.

Now I am driving to the hospital. I am going to have surgery. I am nervous. It is winter, and the sky is grey. My family is coming to see me and escort me in to the hospital. My surgery is a day before A's. I am not sure why we are having a surgery but it has to be done. Now I enter the hospital driveway and park the car. As I enter the hospital I am surrounded by a worried group of family members. It is almost surreal to me - I guess I don't fully understand that I actually am here.
A is not here. Where is he?