While awake...

Rested dreams.
Plenty of symbolism.
Lessons learned.

(3/22/02)
I am leaving a restaurant together with A.G. As we walk out she sees a group of people outside and says "Those people there really have an attitude." As we walk past them she runs up to one of them, a man, and does something to him. After that she quickly runs up along a walkway that climbs up a slight, grassy hill. The man rushes after her. Everything happens so fast that I cannot tell whether all this is play or serious. I ask one of the girls in the group what happened. She tells me that A poked the man's ear and ran away. Now I see that the man is swinging his fist as if to hit A. She moves away from him and tries to defend herself. I am walking closer. People are spread around on the lawn. Is this real? Could he really be angry with her? I wish I had a cellphone so I could call 911. I look around to see if any of the people sitting on the lawn might have a phone. I yell out "Call 911! Call 911! Call 911!" Now he either pushes or hits her. They are some twenty or thirty yards away. I cannot believe this! Then I see it - he has pulled out a knife and threatens to use it on her. Someone dials 911 on a cellphone. I am so afraid and shocked. The man is obviously livid and insane. He has cut a name into A's stomach. She is lying down on the lawn and he is looking up. Why?

I stand on grandma's yard. Down below the farmhouse, in the meadow, I see a group of people. Playfully I throw a small object, a rock or ball, down the hill. It hits D.N. in the head! He doesn't see where the object comes from. I suddenly feel bad and afraid that he will get furious with me. I run down and nervously laugh while approaching him. It was me, I say. I didn't mean to hit you on purpose. A flash of anger is now overshadowed by a smile. I feel relieved. We greet each other with a hug and make plans for dinner.

Hairy legs. Someone/I says it doesn't matter.

While awake...

Fascination...
Fishrush
Rageboy

While awake...

Watching the 9/11 documentary...
(and later hours of insomnia as a result.)

While awake...

Belle and Sebastian
Dangerousmeta
The Encyclopedia of Arda

I am on a plane. We're going to Europe but will land in New York before we continue. Now we approach N.Y. and I can see that we are flying low above a freeway, or is it the airport? For a moment I wonder if everything is as it should be. We continue to fly low, perhaps lower than we should, and I know now that something is wrong. I see a fork in the freeway/tarmac. We will have to choose which way we're heading and soon. We might take the right road.

Now I am sitting in a bus. We have to be evacuated. At the same time we are on a school overnight trip and will soon be assigned cabins. I sit by the window on the left side and in the dark night I see hundreds if not thousands of people on foot. Everyone is looking scared and are moving in the same direction as we are. I see two men in ice-hockey jerseys. One of them looks straight at me. I feel somewhat guilty sitting so comfortably in the bus. There are so many people out there. All must escape. Soon we come to a stop and are being lead to our cabin. I am now together with my old middle school friends and we are inspecting the two storey cabin. I wonder how our teacher will find us in the morning since we didn't see anyone before we went to the cabin. Noone seem to care. I really want to share the same floor as M.N. and try to make sure of that by saying that I do not mind which level I sleep on. Even if I do. I walk into the kitchen and see that every kettle and pot has already been filled with water and the ratio of food-powder and substance that is needed for one meal. I find that very peculiar. In fact, everything in the kitchen seems to be ready for cooking but in a very strangely preprepared way. What if we don't want to eat that particular food? I see a strange looking piece of organic substance float in a pot of water. I ask someone if they think it is butter. It looks like a greasy leaf.

Now I am lying down on a comfortable divan on the second floor of the cabin. It is night and I am looking out over the plain below a huge mountain. We are in L so this must be Mount Y. The mountain is lit up by hundreds of small lights. Below on the plain I can see large groups of soldiers practising formations. They move in clusters, fast and almost like animals or pods of fish. I know the area is in uproar and that there might be danger nearby - but I feel completely at rest, almost happy where I am right now. Watching the beautiful mountain and the moving soldiers almost make me feel safe. Now the soldiers move away from the groups and fade into one large mass and run across the field to the right and disappear into the forest.

I am walking down the hill below my parents' house. The valley is covered with water. I jump in and begin to swim to the other hill across the valley. A big surf is approaching me. I dive under it, without fear, even if I have never done it before. I feel the surf above me and glide towards the surface. The other shore is rocky and steep but I crawl up on dry land and proceed to climb over a stonehedge. On the other side I remain standing on block-shaped rocks while looking back at the distance I made.

I am at a party. I observe a slender man dressed in tight short shorts. He is obviously gay and has a reputation of being quite a party guy. N.S. is standing nearby and I see him motion something to the party guy - N.S. first licks his fist and then moves the hand forward - as a sign that he'd like to have a sexual encounter with him. The party guy nods and N is obviously elated. He dances suggestively up against a wall. I am quite surprised at the boldness but say nothing. A while later they both disappear.

Half Gifts

Swimming in clear water with a whale. Am I a mouse? I am a small animal. I swim swiftly with the whale. I observe the giant creature and its gracefulness. We are together under the water. Under the surface we are alike even though one of us is bigger. I see the detailes so clearly. It is with joy and wonder that I follow the big whale. Am I now the whale? We explode out of the water into a high jump and cut back in the water as sharp as knives. We are elegant and the water is crisp and blue.

While awake...

The dreams are clear and rich in content .
Dancing. Twilight as usual.
Trapped inside my sleepy mind.

Cocteau Twins produced the best dream music one can desire.